I am learning what it means to stand up and be proud in my own unique beliefs and direction in life. Which for me, has meant facing harsh truths about the people who have shaped my views up until this point in my life; my parents. My mind as a child, my beliefs, were shaped by my parents; everyone’s is. I love both of my parents very much, but that’s their job to pass on some of their unresolved issues, so I can work them out, and ultimately to help progress and advanced our DNA, and so on and so forth. Evolution! Life!
I am someone who was inclined to be a people pleaser, so in my life I have ended up living under the basis that I needed to be seen as doing good in the eyes of my parents. Which I think is somewhat natural, but as an adult, I can very clearly see how paths that I have taken or not taken, were a result of me trying to please my parents, and disregarding my own opinion. Which means for a long time the message I have been telling myself, is that my inherent desires aren’t the most important thing for me in life.
I started doing comedy because it was a fun thing to do with my dad. I loved it. It helped me grow so much as a person. What I learned is that I love going to comedy shows, and I love to be on stage. What I eventually learned is that I didn’t really want to be on stage telling jokes. I wanted to be on stage sharing my story and changing the world. I struggled a lot with my decision to stop doing comedy, but in the end I saw that I wasn’t chasing my dream with it, I was chasing my dad’s. My dream is similar though, and comedy was the exact thing I needed to prepare me for my next chapter of teaching and speaking. I kind of love how life gave me the perfect way to learn that lesson and move through life.
Recently my mother and I had a confrontation over astrology. She wanted to come to my vision board class, but wouldn’t come because it is related to astrology. She can’t bring herself to see that I could possibly be doing good things with astrology because she believes it is an occult practice. She quoted me a Bible verse that stated that the astrologers, psychics, and mediums will burn for putting anything above God. Which was hurtful. My mother has strong beliefs and she will follow them over a cliff. The woman is committed, I’ll give her that. However, astrology and Kabbalah (because her real problem is with Kabbalah), is something that changed my life so much for the positive, and that I am using to help change so many other people’s lives for the positive, that I know that it is not a bad thing. Kabbalah taught me how to love the shadow side of myself, and see life as mirror of my own lessons. Astrology taught me how to understand my energy and the energy going around me so I can have stronger awareness of who I am and where I am headed. All of which I believe was provided to us BY God. So my mother and I have to agree to disagree on that one, which was hard for me. I want my mother’s approval, but what made me understand that I didn’t need it, was the fact that my mother won’t even come to my class. She doesn’t want to see the good that I am doing, which is her choice. I see it though. I live it. I love it. So I know this is the path I am meant to be on, and I no longer care if I don’t have her approval for it or not.
That is a lesson I needed. I needed to stop caring so much about what other people want. It hurt, but it had to, or else I probably wouldn’t have ever given so much thought to how much weight I put on outside approval. I cried tears of happiness on my drive home tonight as I realized how amazing life was about to become now that I see how much more I have yet to lean into the real me. I’ve been an open book who is censoring some of the most unique parts for years now because I was afraid of what people would think, or in some cases because I have simply never taken the time to sit and ask myself what I really want or think. This lesson has made it abundantly clear to me how important it is that I step into my whole self now, and stop letting the worry of what people think hold me back.
Part of what I believe is that our closest family members are souls that we have made pacts with, and for lifetimes we have reincarnated together in groups, helping each other advance and further ourselves in life. So while your parents agreed to be the parents in this life, that doesn’t mean you weren’t theirs in the last. At the end of the day we are all human, and we are all learning and living the best way we can.
I am grateful for my journey. I am grateful for the lessons. I feel so lucky to be living in a time where I have been blessed with the tools which have allowed me so much self-awareness at this age in my life. The Age of Aquarius, oh what a time to be alive. 🙂
With all the love,